Not Goodbye.

Title: Not Goodbye
Author: Rebecka
Pairing: GSR - Sara/Grissom
Rating: PG
Word Count: 300 - Tripple!Drabble!
Disclaimer: I own no rights to this. This is just fiction and is therefore not real. All characters within this don't belong to me.
Notes: SPOILER! This is my version of Sara's thoughts during the final scene of A La Cart (8x02).


Not Goodbye

-

I can’t believe that I’m standing here. Your eyes focus on me each time you pass me by, and I try to look happy, but I know my sadness shine through. I can’t understand this. It feels like yesterday when I was safe and solid in your arms, feeling your lips against my cheek as you whispered my name into the night. And though I know I’ll always have you there with me at night, it feels like I’m misplaced again. Like I’ve lost everything I’ve so frustratingly tried to build up for the last couple of years, like I have to start all over again. Oh, I hope I don’t have to.

Maybe what we tried to hide was wrong? No, I know it wasn’t, but I feel like I have to ask myself that question to try and stay sane. Because, deep down, I know that everything we ever did was right. And I hope they understand. I hope they see everything you mean to me, and realize why I didn’t want the whole world to know. You know I was scared of showing feelings like that, but they might not understand. If they don’t, you have to explain. Try to answer their questions, for me, at least.

You pass me by again, and I smile. Unfocused, I cling a little to the cold railing beneath my elbows, blinking away tears that whelm up behind my lashes. Not here, not now. Your smile freezes in my mind, and it’s followed by Nick’s, Greg’s, Cath’s and Warrick’s. I don’t know if I can do this. But it’s not goodbye. I’ll be heartbroken. My eyes rest on you, following every turn you make until you pass me again.

I really love you, and I know that you love me, too.